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Rants

By AA_notapplicable

MAY 8
Something’s wrong when I can guess the details of some of the
news. When details began to emerge that a 51–year–old woman
was killed in Kitchener when the car she was driving was rear–
ended, went into a ditch, and the other driver fled the scene, I
joked to my father, I bet the woman is coloured and the rammer
is a Neo–Nazi. Sure enough, the victim was a visible minority
while Ronald Sutherland is probably a white man. It’s complete
speculation whether he’s actually a Neo–Nazi. Why is it every time
I read news about drunk driving, I think of a drunken white male
driver? Maybe it’s because new immigrants to Canada are
required to be law–abiding citizens for about five to 10 years or
else they could be deported back to where they came from.
Perhaps they instill to their children and grandchildren the
importance of safe and sober driving. The four–year prison
sentence handed to Lance Fried for impaired driving causing
death of Anna Graham should provide deterrent, but this was his
second conviction. To see the number of impaired driving
offences causing death markedly decline, white people would
need to face the fear that if caught, they’ll be deported back to
where they came from: England, Germany, or wherever. My
slogan is, drunken white men rule the road. Anyone choosing to
share the road with them, does so at their own peril.

Man, why can’t you get pizzas at 1:30 in the morning? I’ve got
mad munchies right now.

Just calling to ask people to please stop dumping garbage in my
orchards. If they can’t afford to take it to the dump, I don't know
why they think I can. Obviously, I’m a farmer and in case they
haven’t noticed, farmers aren’t very rich anymore.

MAY 9
This show called “I Know My Kid’s a Star” is ridiculous. These
innocent kids just want to grow up and have a life. All they have
to remember are their manic moms mooching off their money as
they develop a coke habit and have to run into rehab seven times
a week because their parents are fucking up and they don’t even
pay attention to their lives. They’re more worried about taking
baths in green money.

I’d like to rant about these rollerbladers that go to Victoria Park,
the ones dressed like astronauts that scream down the path while
everyday people are just trying to get some fresh air. They come
flying by and people have to jump out of the way. They should go
on the highway and compete with the cars and let people have an
ordinary good time.

Hey, this is for the person who is bitching about those who take
Canadian jobs and at the end of it, something about Wal–Mart and
Sears thinking more of themselves. That’s why their prices are so
low; you don’t know what you’re talking about. Wal–Mart is a
complete rip–off. They screw everyone else over the worldwide.
Wal–Mart is a monster which is why no one wanted them in
Guelph, why no one wants them in Stratford, and that’s why
everyone fights against them. They ruin other businesses and the
reason why they can have the prices so low is because they are
able to buy hundreds or thousands of one item and then that’s
how they do it. Watch the movie Wal–Mart: The High Cost of
Living and maybe you’ll understand a little better.

I’d like to rant about the big dumb bear at work. The big dumb
bear just sits around all day hibernating in his cave, when the big
dumb bear should be doing some work. This is for you, you big
dumb bear, get off your fat ass and do some work.

This is in response to the rant with regards to the guy figuring
out that Bin Laden, Osama Bin Laden and Barak are not the same
people and no conspiracy theory even exists. I’m glad this guy
noticed it, because I noticed it off the bat, and the guy that ranted
a couple weeks about this obviously is three bricks short a load.

Just want to thank the Waterloo Regional Police for giving me that
ticket for running that yellow to red light. Yeah, maybe I had to
make a decision, so I wouldn’t stop and get rear–ended. Why
don’t you look for people driving with dogs in their lap out in the
street, that are more dangerous than me running a yellow light,
you dickhead. I turned around and had to make a decision. What’s
a person going to do when the dog bites their balls and they
cause an accident? Why don’t you pay more attention to the other
people on the road, instead of me making a split decision?

MAY 10
Just following up on the rant I read with regards to the guy in
Austria that kept his daughter locked up in a secret
compartment. The real rant should of read, because I know the
person who did this rant, what the shit? This guy is a sick man,
should be castrated, pissed on, and executed. And with regards
to all the other people in the world that are doing something
similar, go out and buy yourself a Dr. Kervorkian suicide kit and
use it on yourself right away.

I called in ranting about how much Beatles they were playing a
couple weekends ago, and I wanted to hear the Stones. And some
other jerk called in about how he loves the Rolling Stones and this
and that. I don’t know, I think he needs to learn how to read
because my rant clearly said that I wanted to hear some fucking
Rolling Stones. This guy’s an idiot.

This is for the non–drug addict, non– alcoholic, not even pissed
off tobacco smoker. That rant was oh so impressive. Oh how
impressed I am. Ooohhh.

You know what I hate? Roommates that make candles all over
your house and leave wax in your kitchen for days and days and
days and days upon days upon days on end. It’s frustrating.

If you do the mathematics, downtown Kitchener is still filled with
scumbags that need to clean up their act. They do not necessarily
have to use legitimate businesses as a front to convince
comrades. For those of you who know the difference, I hope you
do. Peace, liberty and justice.

I’ll clean up the downtown Kitchener if I have to do it myself. Even
if the ‘Loo is not much better.

Vigilanti, what masonic symbol do you think is G to 7. Figure it
out and I hope you clean up the streets soon.

MAY 11
I’m calling about the article in this week’s Echo written by Scott
Ferguson in the Cambridge Beat column written about the
Cambridge core’s neglect. He has no idea about what’s going on
everywhere, in every city and all he’s doing is centering the
problems on one little corner in downtown Galt at Wellington
Square apartments. I’ve lived in the apartments for a year and the
only problem I have is with drunks. The drug dealers I’m sure are
here. They’re in every apartment building. In Cambridge,
Waterloo, Kitchener, every city in the country. By just centering all
the attention here I have to feel bad when I tell people where I
live. They’re all like. “Oh there’s drug dealers there, I hear really
bad stuff goes on there”. I’ve never had a problem with drugs
here; no one’s offered me crack, no one has offered me meth, so
if that’s going on, fine, I don’t see it. It doesn’t bother me. If
drunks are yelling at me and yelling at their girlfriends, that
bothers me. Anyways I’m flustered, I don’t understand why he has
to focus all the attention on my place of living. [Ed. – It doesn’t
bother you that that people are destroying their lives around you?
Even though you can’t see the problem, don’t discount the fact
that it’s real.]

To all the people who pump one or two more cents at the gas
pump then they actually intend to pay, you are not getting back at
the gas company. You are stealing from the person at the till
making minimum wage.

This is to the 50–something couple sitting in the parking lot in
their big stupid Hummer with the engine running. Just sitting
there letting it idle and idle, you are terrible and you should be
prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Not just fouling up the air
with the big, stupid thing but for just letting it run for no reason
at all.

It’s disheartening and maddening to see downtown Kitchener run
down these days. It’s dirty, full of vagrants and weirdos and my
favorite Middle Eastern business went out of business. This place
had nice people, great food and good prices. Now when will our
good–for–nothing, obscenely overpaid mayor get off his candy
ass and do something about this problem?

I was listening to a classic slice of Thin Lizzy this morning. What a
great, clever talent Phil Linet was. It really is a shame that he is
gone. But I know he’s up there rocking with the best of them.

I just got home after seeing the Queens of the Stone Age concert
and it was totally awesome.

Yuppies make me sick.

MAY 12
This is to buses in general in Cambridge because they are always
late. One time I waited for a bus that was 20 minutes late and I
called and complained and they actually gave him shit. We should
all start complaining and maybe they will change their service.

To the person that was talking about the word understand. I
understand that you are a reject and if I ever see you I hope that
you understand I will hit you.

Freeze Albert. We’re tired of having our town vandalized over it
and plainly tired of hearing about it. So shut the fuck up.

I’m upset that I have reported a crime for the first time in my life
and the police don’t even want to return my calls. It’s not like I’m
being rude about it. Can you just help, isn’t that what you are
here for?

Why do people always have to degrade prostitutes? I feel bad for
the women; there is a need for it so why not legalize it? Leave the
prostitutes alone.

MAY 13
This to the person saying our government is just like the Mafia,
you are incredibly stupid. The Mafia controls a lot of places in
Naples and they don’t have half the privileges we do, we criticize
the government and our family doesn’t get killed. You are totally
misled.

To the guy that was just walking past Dairy Queen, holy shit...
pull up your pants.

My rant is about people who ride the fucking bus. When you get
on, don’t stand up front and talk to the driver with your shopping
bags or strollers or walkers, sit the fuck down.

MAY 14
I have message for the Tim Hortons Corp that fired a woman for
giving a baby a Timbit for free and that is we love babies, we love
babies.

Anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die is magic. This
is is why women deserve to be treated like higher beings.

My dog is wearing an ‘elizabethan collar’ a.k.a. cone to keep him
from chewing apart his catheter and stitches. It doesn’t work.

I had a dream that I was pregnant and had to ‘shock’ the baby to
come out when I was ready for it. I woke up bloated and freaked
out a bit, but it was just gas. That would be messed up if it was
real and we had that kind of technology. It wasn't real. Thank
goodness.

I’ve noticed that NKOTB has made a comeback. I have also
noticed that more 90’s music is being played on the radio – I
Mother Earth, Salt and Pepa, etc. Do we really need to go through
that again? Come on people. This is the future.

My kitten kneeds my neck at night and nibbles my ears then
attempts lying on my face. I think she’s a secret killer. I let her
out now, so I advise you downtown folk not to allows a black and
white muscular, one foot long, yoda eyed, white–tipped tail kitten
inside. Or else.

As an official voice on vegan lentil soup, I would advise everyone
to avoid the Presidents Choice kind. It’s absolutely vile.

My tape adaptor won’t work in my tape player anymore. I think
it’s high time to buy a new car. I mean, not high. I’m no junkie.

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